Nephi's Courage

There are always exceptions to the rules.

And sometimes you don’t realize there can be exceptions to the rules, until you are one.

Should we seek to be the exception to the rule? Absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t ever exceptions to rules. And fortunately, I am not anyone else’s judge. Because I am not privy to their personal revelation, as they are not privy to mine.

I’ve been studying the story in the scriptures after Lehi had a vision about the destruction of Jerusalem and he packs up his family and leaves town. But then he sends his sons back to that very town that was so dangerous they had to leave it. Twice. Part of me wonders why a prophet of God didn’t have the foresight to know that he would need to take the scriptures with him on this journey, or the foresight to know that his children would need spouses if they were going to be able to multiply and replenish the earth eventually, and later in the promised land. But nonetheless, he sent them back after the fact. And after failed attempts to get the brass plates, Nephi returned on his own, not knowing how he was going to do the task but knowing the Lord would provide a way. He had faith.

And this is where it gets interesting. He happens to stumble across Laban, the man holding their beloved scriptures hostage so to speak, drunk and passed out on the ground. Does the Spirit prompt him to take Laban’s cloak and sword and the Lord change Nephi’s voice so that he can pretend to be Laban at the treasury to retrieve the scriptures and then leave the same way he came with none being the wiser? Laban able to wake and return home safe after the fact? Nope. Did he send a lightening strike to cause Laban’s despise, so that Nephi wouldn’t have to deal with him? Nope. Instead, the Holy Ghost prompted Nephi to break a commandment of God – given to the children of Israel by a prophet of God named Moses. Thou shalt not kill.

Wait, you mean to tell me that the commandment, Thou shalt not kill is not a “one size fits all” commandment? That what the prophet says isn’t always final? This wasn’t an in the situation self-defense moment that could ethically be justified, though Laban had tried to kill them the last time they were in the city and tried to “buy” the scriptures from him with their family’s wealth. No, in this instance, Laban was passed out on the ground, literally defenseless.

I reminded myself that we believe the Book of Mormon to be the most true and correct book on the face of the earth today. And that we are also taught to liken the scriptures unto ourselves. And this scripture story from that book is telling us that the commandment to not kill did not apply to Nephi in that moment and in that situation in time. Nephi wasn’t a prophet at that point. But he was on the Lord’s errand, and the Spirit gave him a direction. Did he automatically pull-out Laban’s sword and take the man’s life? No. He said, or thought in a prayerful manner, now wait a minute, I have never killed a man in my life. Are you sure? He was seeking a confirmation from the Spirit. Which, if I were in that situation, I would have done too. And Nephi received that confirmation through personal revelation. Through the Holy Ghost – a member of the godhead. And after that confirmation, he killed Laban.

So what does that mean? Does that mean that turn the other cheek is not a one size fits all teaching from the scriptures either? Ammon literally cut off the arms of Lamanites that were trying to steal or scatter the king’s flock he was responsible for. Jesus took a whip into the temple and chased out money changers with it. Moroni led an army against the Lamanites to protect his family, his country and freedoms, and his religion. In fact, when Jesus knew that he would soon be leaving his apostles, he told them, “he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.” (Luke 22: 36) But wait, the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s buried their weapons of war and covenanted after their conversion, to never take another life. And the Lord protected them, through Heleman’s Stripling Warriors, who were also miraculously protected. So why no miracle for Nephi preventing him from having to take a life?

Why didn’t these other scripture heros turn the other cheek? Why weren’t they anti-violence, or anti-weapon? The scriptures say that the Nephites had never been happier than during the time of Moroni and even revere him by saying that if all men were like him, the devil would have no power over the hearts of the children of men.

This creates a quandary in my mind. How can both be true? Thou shalt not kill, and, it’s okay to take a man’s life if the Spirit tells you to. Turn the other cheek, unless the spirit tells you to stand up and fight in multiple battles that kill people, to protect your freedom, religion, your wife and children? Be gentle and kind, unless evil men try to scatter flocks of the king you are responsible for which will then cause the king to execute the servants responsible for the flocks. Be patient with those not doing what is right in the temple, unless you are indeed charged with “cleaning” the temple of those who were defiling it.

It’s taken a lot of courage for me to ask these questions, especially when we’ve been taught since we were young that if we do what is right, we will be blessed. And then when you are doing everything right – tragedy still strikes, and trials still bombard you. Yet we are also taught to read, study and follow the scriptures – the word of God written by prophets called of God. And the scriptures clearly have within their sacred pages, many different examples that contradict its own (or the Lord’s own) teachings of dire importance and with dire consequences of following each or not following each, in different situations.

So essentially, what I am understanding is that the scriptures are teaching us that we should follow the prophet unless the spirit constrains us from doing so. I know, the cognitive dissonance is real and I’ve been struggling with it for a while now. Especially after receiving personal revelation – very strong and clear personal revelation (3 times by the way, because I didn’t just take the promptings at face value either, just like Nephi) that I should not force my family to wear face masks – not to be rebellious – but because they would be harmful to us. And that we should not be vaccinated with an experimental vaccine with no long-term safety data and that doesn’t even provide immunity for which they are vaccinating you against – a virus with a 99% survival rate for the majority of population, and certainly the ages of those in my immediate family.

The Lord provided a way for Nephi to do what He needed done. It just wasn’t the, thou shalt not kill or turn the other cheek way. Which teaches me that there is no one size fits all for anything: mandates or policies, laws or urgings. And I also realize that some have received personal revelation that they and their family should wear masks and get vaccinated. To which I say, great! You have your truth and your spiritual confirmation for your situation.

But so do I. Is mine any less valid than yours? I can’t judge the way you received your personal revelation, so is it fair for you to judge the way I received my personal revelation?

Can you imagine if Nephi went back to camp with the scriptures, and his brothers who finally got out of him (he was probably a little shell shocked, having just taken another person’s life), how he had gotten the scriptures? Can you imagine the ribbing and verbal attacks that Laman and Lemuel gave him? Up to that point, I don’t even think Laman and Lemuel had killed anyone yet. And here was their younger brother, who was trying to be a righteous “leader over them” and who had favor of the Lord, who killed a man! And the questioning looks from Sam, not knowing what to say, worried about his brother. Did he verbally accuse Nephi of being an apostate because he didn’t follow the prophet (like family members have accused me of being because I followed the Spirit)? Or was Sam in awe of Nephi and his courage and his ability to follow the Spirit so closely in that extremely difficult situation – and grateful that he wasn’t the one that was called on to do such a difficult thing?

But Nephi had just taken a life. A life that the Holy Spirit had prompted him to take. How are we supposed to liken that scripture story to us? Why are we given the gift of the Holy Ghost, if we are supposed to ALWAYS follow everything the prophet tells us to do? Shouldn’t the prophet be enough? And why are we given the Holy Ghost if we are supposed to ALWAYS follow the scriptures? How can all three make sense, if they contradict each other – even within the very pages of those scriptures?

And then when Nephi and his brothers returned to his family in the wilderness, did he get reprimanded for breaking a commandment of God? For not following the prophet? Did self-righteous ward members call him up and tell him that he was sinning for killing a man? Did they lecture him on how he must have been following the wrong spirit – because it went against what the prophet Moses had said? I don’t know, the scriptures don’t tell us that. But I can tell you that my family has experienced that. In fact, we were told that members of our ward had died because of “people like us” that don’t wear masks. Why would the Lord put us in that situation unless we were ALL supposed to learn something from it? Why was Nephi put in that situation? Why was that situation of Nephi’s put in the scriptures that we are told to follow, if we aren’t supposed to follow it and learn something from it?

Again, which truth do you follow? The truth that every self-righteous church member or local priesthood leader tells you that you should follow? The truth the prophet tells you to follow? The truth the scriptures tell you to follow?

Or the truth the Holy Spirit tells you to follow? Truth that comes from the one source that is not imperfect like a man can be imperfect, biased like a man can be biased, self-righteous like a man can be self-righteous? The truth that comes from one of the members of the Godhead?

But that can’t be right. Right? Because if everyone was just going to follow the Holy Spirit and receive personal revelation all willy nilly like that, going against what the prophet has said, then who could judge them and let them know that yes, they did receive that personal revelation and are doing what is right (and are an exception to the rule), or no – they are delusional and made up that “personal revelation” so that they could be an exception to the rule and not have to wear masks or get vaccinated?

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s not black or white like we have tried to formulate it in our minds to be so that we as imperfect human beings can understand it. It gets a little hairy and complicated for me. Like how it is possible to have a Savior that provides both mercy and justice at the same time. An oxymoron of sorts. Being the mother of a son who has been a victim of a severe crime, how can there ever be justice for my son who was innocent and the victim, but at the same time, mercy for the criminal who abused him (a self-righteous church member and priesthood leader in our ward). But just because I can’t fully wrap my head around it, doesn’t mean it isn’t truth.

I have been learning to follow the spirit my whole life, many times in very difficult and important situations, and I have a testimony that when I follow the Spirit, my life and my family are blessed. Not necessarily in worldly ways like with a steady income, the best running car, or a constant clean bill of health. But with miracle after miracle, experience after experience, confirming this testimony to me. So no, I’m not going to stop following the Spirit because what the Spirit tells me to do might make someone else uncomfortable and have to think about these difficult situations in the scriptures that many would prefer to gloss over and not deeply analyze. I’m not obligated to make anyone feel comfortable. I’m sure Nephi, Moroni, Ammon, and our Savior Jesus Christ, didn’t make everyone around them feel comfortable when they followed the Spirit or the Savior’s own teachings (you know, confronting a bag of literal chopped off human arms doesn’t exactly bring comfort). But they didn’t do it to make other people feel comfortable. They followed the Spirit for God and to fulfill His purposes.

I want you to know that I know that Jesus Christ lives. He loves each and every one of us individually. And he knows that we have individual needs and situations and circumstances. He knows that physically not everyone can fast – even if they have the faith to try to do so. For years after a failed colorectal surgery with the medications I was taking and the diet I was on, I could not fast because constipation would have been the death of me. I’ve also felt the same about women who are pregnant or nursing – they shouldn’t fast unless directed by the spirit to do so. Their body is doing something more important like creating a new life. And when sick, your body is doing something more important like healing.

He knows that not everyone can physically kneel at an alter in the temple, and when they can’t, they can sit in a chair instead – especially after having knee surgery and being unable to bend their knee let alone put any weight on that bent knee.

He knows that not every missionary called to the Mexico City MTC to learn Spanish for their mission can receive shipments of their life-saving clotting-factor medication that must stay refrigerated so that it is ready to reconstitute and be given intravenously when needed while there– so an exception is made for them to attend the Provo MTC instead.

He knows that a young boy who was sexually abused and turned into a functioning alcoholic by a ward member and priesthood leader for 6 years, a child molester, who unfortunately had church leaders – other priesthood leaders - fooled and protecting him for years when questions were raised about him…He knows that that young boy, even though unable to follow the word of wisdom at the time, needed to be able to attend the temple with his family to have his little sister sealed to them.

He knows that not everyone can partake of the sacrament bread if they have an autoimmune disease or an allergy, so they are able to bring their own gluten free bread or cracker so they can participate in that saving ordinance.

Could the Lord have given miracles in each situation instead of giving someone an opportunity to be an exception to the rule? Absolutely. But maybe the experience of the situation, and the understanding of how to use personal revelation and the gift of the Holy Ghost in our lives, is a more important thing to learn. Because by following the Spirit we are choosing Heavenly Father’s will and understanding over our own will and understanding. We are exercising our faith at a higher level than just going through the motions of letting the prophet tell us what we should do – something that doesn’t help us build our own testimony of truly knowing what the Lord wants us to do in that situation when two things are asked of us that can’t be made sense of together.

IF there are ever exceptions to the rules, there always has to be exceptions to the rule - unless He wants to provide a way for that solution to work for everyone the same way. Like when looking to the serpent staff to be healed of snake bites. Which He is definitely capable of doing. But if that were the case with my situation, then I wouldn’t have received personal revelation different from what church members had been urged to do. And if it was safe and effective for everyone, then church members who died from a stroke or heart attack, or suffered from Guillain Barre Syndrome, or other auto immune diseases, or paralysis shortly after receiving the vaccination, wouldn’t have happened. And those who have suffered with mental, emotional, and not to mention physical consequences from keeping viruses and bacteria (that their bodies try to expel out of our mouths and nose as part of our God-given immune system) trapped on a thin piece of cloth so that their body is forced to re-breathe it in over and over again, subjecting their body to infection, wouldn’t happen. And by the way, bacterial pneumonia which is caused by wearing masks regularly, has the same symptoms as COVID – which the hospitals aren’t looking or testing for, and if not treated properly, can also cause respiratory distress and death.

I remember in family scripture study as a youth ,my dad talking about how there is always the letter of the law and then the spirit of the law. I don’t think I truly understood that until the last several years. Because in my experience, over and over and over again, including more recently, there is no one size fits all, just like when Jesus prevented those who were legally allowed to stone a woman for committing adultery, by reminding them that they too were not without sin. He healed a man, and ate food from a field on the Sabbath – all against the letter of the law. He butted heads with the government leaders and medical professionals of his time over and over again. The same people our current first presidency is telling us to trust. But not every government official or medical professional believes the same things or encourages the same things. How do we know which person with which viewpoint, and with which scientific study paid for by the companies that stand to profit the most from the treatment they are pushing, to trust, if not by praying to God and acting directly on the personal revelation we receive?

Why were we given the gift of the Holy Ghost if we already had the scriptures, and a living prophet? Is it the redundancy that provides the most safety? I recently learned about the Circle of Willis and the important role it plays to brain blood circulation in my graduate aphasiology class. It seems that God planned for a lot of important systems to be redundant for a reason, including the testimony of three witnesses, and the testimony of the eight witnesses.

I am so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ, for a Heavenly Father who knows me and my family and our needs individually, and for the gift of the Holy Ghost that provides me with personal revelation and the free agency to act on that personal revelation. The same free agency that we all fought for before we came to earth, but are now all too willing to let the government and our fellow human beings, remove from us so that we can feel “comfortable” and “safe.” I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, and will provide a way for each of us in our individual situations to do the things that they want us and NEED us to do. What is right for us.

And I’m also grateful that it is not my prerogative to judge anyone on how they receive or don’t receive or act on or don’t act on their own personal revelation. We sing about Nephi’s courage in Primary. He had the courage to have faith, to know that the Lord would provide a way for him. He had the courage to trust the way that was provided to him, even though it was not the way he expected or even would have wanted, and asked for and received confirmation when he had questions about it.

I hope and pray that I can have the courage of Nephi, the courage of Moroni, Ammon, and countless other examples in the scriptures, including Jesus Christ. Because I too know that the Lord will provide a way for each one of us to accomplish the things that He has commanded us, in the way that he wants us to individually accomplish them. Even if that makes us an exception to the “rule.”